Key takeaways

  • Ghosting is when someone ends a romantic or social relationship without any communication or explanation.
  • People who have experienced ghosting may feel sadness, anger, shame, and other negative emotions.
  • The process of moving on from being ghosted can look different for everyone, but prioritizing self-care and leaning on existing positive relationships may help. Mental health professionals like therapists can also help you understand your feelings and provide healthy ways to cope and move forward.

Ghosting has become a common phenomenon in the modern dating world, and also in other social and professional settings. The rise of electronic communications has seemingly made it easier to make and break quick connections.

Ghosting can cause intense psychological and emotional effects on the person being ghosted. But knowing why someone may choose to ghost someone else may make these effects easier to recognize and manage.

People ghost for all sorts of reasons that can vary in complexity. Here are just some of the many reasons people may ghost:

  • Fear: Some people may have a higher intolerance to uncertainty, which could lead them to act in sudden, drastic ways. Someone may just decide to end a relationship because they’re scared of getting to know a new person or scared of that person’s reaction to breaking up.
  • Conflict avoidance: Humans are instinctively social, and disrupting a social relationship of any sort, whether good or bad, may adversely affect someone’s quality of life. As a result, a person may feel more comfortable never seeing someone again rather than facing the potential conflict or resistance that can happen during a breakup.
  • Lack of consequences: If someone has just met another person, they might feel like there isn’t anything at stake since they probably don’t share any friends or much else in common. It may not seem like a big deal if they just walk out of the other person’s life.
  • Self-care: If a relationship is negatively affecting someone’s quality of life, cutting off contact can sometimes seem like the only way to protect their own well-being without the fallout of a breakup or parting of ways.

Keep this in mind

Though being ghosted might make you feel like the ghoster doesn’t care about you, that may not always be the case. A 2024 study suggests that ghosters may care about the people they’re ghosting more than some people might suspect — in some cases, ghosters think that abruptly cutting off communication might be a way to spare the feelings of the person they’re ghosting.

This may not make being ghosted any less painful, but understanding all the different ways someone might decide to ghost someone else could help you reframe your thinking and move forward.

And here are a few scenarios in which you might be ghosted, along with some possible reasons:

Casual dating partner

If you’ve been on a few dates and your date suddenly vanishes, it may be because they didn’t feel a romantic spark, got too busy to commit to keeping in touch, or just weren’t ready for the next steps.

Friend

If a friend you’ve regularly hung out or chatted with suddenly stops responding to your texts or calls, they may be ghosting you, or they may have something in their life that’s keeping them busy.

If it turns out that they’ve ghosted you, it could be that they decided it would be too complicated or painful to explain that they don’t want to be friends anymore.

Co-worker

Ghosting can happen in the office, too. This is more commonly seen when someone leaves the company. Though you may have regularly chatted in the office and maybe hung out after work, for some people, it may just be too difficult to maintain friendships with former colleagues while trying to fit in with new ones.

This can also happen when a co-worker switches positions or receives a promotion.

Are you being ghosted? Or is the person on the other end just temporarily too busy or distracted to get back to you?

Here are some of the signs that can tip you off when you’re being ghosted:

Is this typical behavior for them?

Some people seem to go off the grid for long periods of time before getting back to you, so it may not be a big deal if they don’t respond very quickly. But if they are usually responsive and suddenly stop calling or texting you back for an unusually long period of time, you may have been ghosted.

Did anything change in the relationship?

Did you say something that they reacted strongly to, or send a text that may have been misunderstood? For example, if you said “I love you” and they didn’t say it back, and they’re suddenly no longer communicating, you may have been ghosted.

Did either of you go through any major life events?

Did one of you move to a new place? Start a new job? Go through a traumatic event that’s left you grieving?

Keeping up can seem impossible when physical or emotional distance grows, and ghosting can seem like the easiest, least complicated option for someone who needs more space or mental bandwidth.

In some cases, the silence may be temporary — maybe they’ve recently taken on a big project or work or had a traumatic life event. But in other cases, it could be permanent.

Coping with any kind of loss can be difficult, even if you don’t know the person that well. If you were close with them, it can cause even more of an emotional response.

And the emotions can be high on both sides — a small 2022 study involving people who had both ghosted someone and been ghosted themselves in romantic relationships found that:

  • people who had ghosted someone were more likely to express emotions like guilt and relief
  • people who had been ghosted were more likely to express hurt feelings and sadness

Research reveals even more nuance to the complex emotions behind being ghosted. Two studies from 2010 and 2011 suggest that a breakup may cause physical pain, as ghosting and rejection in general result in similar brain activity associated with bodily pain.

Ghosting can also negatively affect your self-esteem and may impact how you approach relationships in the future, both romantic and otherwise.

Moving on from ghosting doesn’t look the same for everyone, and the coping process can differ if that person’s a romantic partner, a friend, or a co-worker.

Here are some ways you can help yourself confront and accept your feelings about being ghosted:

  • Set boundaries first: Just want a fling? Interested in something more? Expect them to check in every day? Week? Month? Honesty and transparency can help you and the other person make sure no lines are crossed unknowingly.
  • Give the person a time limit: Haven’t heard from them for a few weeks or months and are tired of waiting? Give them an ultimatum. For example, you can send them a message asking them to call or text in the next week, or you’ll assume the relationship is over. This can seem harsh, but it may give you closure and restore lost feelings of control or power.
  • Don’t automatically blame yourself: You have no evidence or context for concluding why the other person left the relationship, so don’t get down on yourself and cause yourself further emotional harm.
  • Spend time with friends or family: Seek the companionship of people you trust and with whom you share mutual feelings of love and respect. Experiencing positive, healthy relationships can help put your ghosting situation into perspective.
  • Get professional help: Don’t be afraid to reach out to a therapist or counselor who can help you articulate the complex feelings you may have. They can also give you further coping strategies to make sure you come out the other side just as strong, if not stronger, than before.

Remember that the ending of a relationship doesn’t define you. You deserve to get the help you need and to have relationships that fulfill and affirm you.

Help is out there

The ending of a relationship — particularly a long-term, deeply emotional relationship like a marriage — can feel devastating and may seriously affect a person’s mental and emotional health.

If you or someone you know is in crisis and considering suicide or self-harm, please seek support:

  • Call or text the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988 or chat at 988lifeline.org. Caring counselors are available to listen and provide free and confidential support 24/7.
  • Text HOME to the Crisis Text Line at 741741 to connect with a volunteer crisis counselor for free and confidential support 24/7.
  • Not in the United States? Find a helpline in your country with Befrienders Worldwide.
  • Call 911 or your local emergency services number if you feel safe to do so.

If you’re calling on behalf of someone else, stay with them until help arrives. You may remove weapons or substances that can cause harm if you can do so safely.

If you’re not in the same household, stay on the phone with them until help arrives.

The hyperconnectedness of online 21st-century life has made it more obvious when a relationship has abruptly ended.

Being ghosted can have intense psychological, emotional, and even physical effects. If you need help recovering and moving forward, consider talking with a mental health professional, such as a therapist, counselor, or psychologist.